Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
