you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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