i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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