I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
