the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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