dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
