Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize