whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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