I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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