Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We got so high we made milksteak
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
