drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
