Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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