You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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