she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
