So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
