dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
