I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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