Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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