hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
