how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
