It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize