He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
