My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
