I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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