Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize