can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
