come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
