I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
