I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
