Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
