I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
