You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
