My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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