And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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