i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
