Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
