It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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