do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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