Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
