I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
