Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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