Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
