wat bout pragnant strippers??
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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