Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
