I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize