You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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