Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
