"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
