you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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