I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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