i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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