My Higher Power is John Stamos
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize