ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
