Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
