You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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