Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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