I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
