Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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