Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
