I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
