I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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