you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize