I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize