On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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