She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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