Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
