just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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