i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize