dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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