the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
