she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I currently don't understand fingers.
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