I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
