maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
